1]My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.
2]Can’t talk, telepathy only!
3]One wise guy invented mobile application Whatsapp…..and his wife added last seen feature 
4]One person’s LOL is another’s WTF!
5]Hey there….. be there.
6]I will be back before you pronunce afjkhnfkualnfhukcakecnhkj.
7]Dream as if you’ll live forever..Live as if tomorrow is last one.
8]Galileo:Great mind…Einstein:genius mind…Newton:Extraordinary mind….Bill gates:brilliant mind…..ME:Never Mind.
9]I had to take sick day.I’m sick of those peoples.
10]Just wanted to say, you are as useless as “ueue” in a “queue”.
11]Sleep till you’re hungry….Eat till you’re sleepy.
12]Always give your 100 percent ….unless you’r donating blood .
13]lazy People Fact #5812672793
You were too lazy to read that number.
You were too lazy to read that number.
14]Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so near to monday????
15]I like to take road less travelled…..helps me to avoid traffic.
16]Wow now I’m a graduate…….Now thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains .
17]I can see you checking my whatsapp status. B)
18]God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me.
19]I’am looking for a bank loan which can perform two things..give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
20]Second chances are for losers….either we do it in first place or live it for others.
21]I wish I could loose weight as easy as I lose my pens,keys,smartphone,my temper and even my mind.
22]fun is like life insurance.The older you get..the more it cost’s.
22]I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by selling my car.
23]My week is basically …Monday–>Monday#2–>Monday#3–>Monday#4–>Friday–>Saturday–>pre-Monday
24]We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.
25]Tried to loose weight…….But it keeps finding me.
26]Too busy to update a status. 0_o
27]formula for success…….under promise and over deliver…….
28]We live in a society were pizza gets to your house before police.
29]Life is too short. Don’t waste it reading my watsapp status….
30]I wish I had google in my mind and antivirus in my heart.
31]I just saved lot of money by lic life insurance ……..By not having any.
32]Love marriage is like dancing in front of snake and asking him to bite.
33]Error: status unavailable
34]Waiting for wi-fi network.
35]Jidhar apna CRUSH hai , udhar hich sala RUSH hai and filhaal timepass k liye only CANDYCRUSH he…(hindi)
36]Always remember you are UNIQUE………… just like everybody else.
37]I don’t care what people think or say about me, I was not born on this earth to please everybody.
38]Tip to avoid car insurance……….Join facebook and never leave home.
39]You can’t put a value on a human life,but my wife’s life insurance company made a pretty fair offer.
40]Even romeo went from being “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated”.
41]Sorry vegetarians we can’t pretend
42]They say we learn from our mistakes; so I m making as many as possible!!!Soon I will be a genius :-B
43]I will marry the girl who look as pretty as in her Aadhaar card (or in matrimonial sites)!!!!
44]I was not busy to be online… I had just gave up on my life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my contact name as “Free Recharge”
45]Give a man fish and you’ll feed him for a day.Teach a man to fish and you can then stick him with a huge amount of fishing School loans.
46] At last got to know how to loose weight in 10 days :Just turn your head right right then left and repeat whenever offered any food
47]I started out with nothing and i still have most of it:)
48]I took IQ test …..results were negative
49]Should transformers take car insurance or life insurance…..
50]Hakuna Matata!!–the great motto to live life!!
51]Your whatsapp status say’s online …..If your online then why aren’t you texting me
52]I am not questioning your honour. I am denying its existence.
53]My attitude will always be based on how you treat me.
54]Happiness is when “Last seen at” changes to “online” and then to “typing..”
55]I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here
56]I’m listening. It just takes me a minute to process so much stupidity all at once!!
57]Don’t talk out loud, you lower the IQ of the whole street’
58]You are the product of 4 billion years of evolution, now fucking act like it.
59]I’ll try being nicer if you start being smarter.
60]I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
61]Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
62]I meditate for 20 min every morning …..It helps reduce stress of being 20 min late for everything
63]Better the vaccum cleaner the beter it sucks!!
64]If I had a gun with two bullets and i was with hitler,bin laden and you[insert your ex or your enemy’s name],I would shoot you twice.
65]I did lots of stupid things on social networking sites but atleast i never commented “Cute pic dear “on girls profile picture
66]A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
67]I’ve been too fucking busy and vice versa
68]Life is too short. Dont waste it removing pendrive safely.
69]I wish i could trade my heart for another liver …..so that i can drink more and care less
70]Intelligence is like underwear. It’s important that you have it but there’s no need to show it off.
71]I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
72]Coins Always Make Sound But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent! ?that’s why i’m always Calm & Silent
73]Stop checking my status ! Go Get A Life 
74]A rolling stone gathers no moss… But if I stop the stone then it still takes a long time for the moss to grow.
75]I enjoy when people show Attitude to me because it shows that they need an Attitude to impress me!
76]Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.
77]I Am Not Special , I Am Just Limited Edition
78]”Please don’t get confused between my personality & my attitude.
My personality is who I am & my attitude depends on who you are!”
My personality is who I am & my attitude depends on who you are!”
79]When you feel insulted I’m just describing you.
80]Xcuse me..I found something under my shoes. .ohh its your Attitude.
81]Love is that state of mind when a karan johar film becomes bearable.
82]I’m cool but global warming made me hot
83]When i am good i am best , when i am bad i am worst.
84]Without me its just awso.
85]Sometimes i just wish i’ could fast forward the time to see if in the end it’s all worth it
86] I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
87]I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
88]100,000 sperms and i was the fastest;)
89]I like to always carry two sacks around. That way, if someone asks me to lend them a hand, I can say, “Sorry, got these sacks”.
90]Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you
91]I don’t like cocaine, i just like the way it smells;)
92]I haven’t slept for 10 days, because that would be too long.
93]Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
94]One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
95]It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
96]Dear Mario…..I Wasted My Childhood Trying To Save Your Girlfriend.Now, you help me to save mine.
97]Think about it ..every time we look back at ourselves five years ago we think we were an idiot.
98]apni to bass ek hi zeed he…. sar pe Taaj… Sath me koi Khasss aur is kamini duniya pe Raaaajjj !!…(hindi)
99]We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
100]I Loved A Girl and She Broke my heart….. Now every piece of my heart love DifferenT Girlz…. People called it flirt Thats Not fair…
101]Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
10)Good morning…let the stress begin
103)Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
104)I know the voices in my head aren’t real….. but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
105)When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
106)When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity……Albert Einstein
107)Am gonna Make my Status………….better you too Focus on your Status only.
108)Yeah youu ,the one reading my status..Get Lost
109)Scientist say the world is made up of Proton,Neutrons and Electrons…they forgot to mention Morons like u :);)
110)Don’t settle for good.Demand Great.
111)Exams!!!!The most creative phase of life :):(
112)If procrastination was an Olympic event ,I’d compete in it later.
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